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Tonight...I'm cleaning out my closet.   
02:32pm 17/08/2007
mood: tired

I have to be out of my apartment tomorrow! Life has been uber stressful lately. Hopefully this black cloud that has been hovering will vanish and I will be able to breathe again. 

I find myself tensing up in my shoulder area constantly and I have to tell myself to calm down.

I wish I was good at things.

When I get back from Macao I think I want to go to an acting school. That would be fantastic. I miss acting classes. There are a couple of my friends going to Boston Conservatory and their class schedule is as follows...2 dance classes, vocal class, acting class, and history of the theatre. How fabulous would that be? No real classes. I mean really what is the point of taking real classes to get a BFA in theatre? But...its Boston. Maybe something in Chicago would be fun? Hmm... I don't know. The only thing is I don't really want to move away from Vegas! 

I am going to learn how to play the piano and guitar I am determined! Maybe I will take a guitar to China!


common baby light my fire

3 Years   
01:58pm 03/08/2007
  So it has been three years since I have posted, and for some reason I feel compelled too. I guess it is because I read all of the text that I wrote all those years ago. Wow, what a difference three years of life and experience does to a person. I am no longer that girl in the text. I am no longer depressed all of the time, so self consious, and so stupid. I wonder why I used to post the things that I used to post!? Really why did I want people to know I was suicidal? Cry for help, cry for attention? Ah well, the past is past.

 I do want to keep a journal again. I want to remember. I have forgotten so much in my life, and I don't want to forget. I want to be that old person who can talk for hours about all the crazy things I have done in my life and what a better way to do that than writing a journal. Only this time it wont be as lame as the last time. Haha. Maybe livejournal isn't the way to keep it, but it could be fun!

Ok so a memory I don't want to forget? Jesus Christ Superstar Super Summer Theater 2007! So much fun! This play has consumed my life and I have no time for anything or anyone. I love this cast and Phil Shelbourne is a fabulous director. Best I have  worked with so far. I have learned so much about acting from this small part, and myself. I wouldn't think I would, but I have. And I realized us actors are crazy. We create stories and senarios and somehow dig within ourselves and feel these emotions and it consumes us to the point where we are no longer acting, we are living. This show has helped me learn how to really do this. The people in the show are great, but there is of couse a bit of drama, but not that much. We have so much fun together, and the bring out that fun side of me that I have forgotten to be. I love just sitting in the bed of Tyson's truck drinking "Chilada" style beers gossiping, laughing, making up stupid phrases and being happy.

RMI leasing company is the BANE of my existance. DO NOT every lease under them for a house/ appt/ condo ever! This has been such a fiasco to deal with them. They have there head up there ass constantly.

1 _ common baby light my fire

08:08pm 17/09/2004
  i hate right now! i hate not being trusted! i hate it i hate it i hate it!  

1 _ common baby light my fire

11:12pm 12/09/2004
  School is awesome!  

common baby light my fire

back to school, back to school, to prove to dad that i'm not a fool   
07:53pm 29/08/2004
  las official day of SUMMER! damn! i am excited/nervous/scared(because i have to grow up)/not ready at all...to go to school. ok, so it wont be bad...i got to school at either 7:00 or 8:30 and i am done by 10:30....so it wont be all that touhg...but i dont want to go back to school! damn i wish we had 1 month or 2 or 10 left. of well, i needs to get a my edumacation! DAMN IT!
i dont know i guess i dont have much to say beside how much i am going to loath going to school. ok...so bye

1 _ common baby light my fire

the countdown is on   
12:38am 27/08/2004
mood: anxious
school starts in 3 days and i am dreading it like the pleg...why does the greatest summer have to end! 3 more days of freedom and i cant fully enjoy them because i am gonna be hella busy...NO!
embrace your womanhood...buy earings and a purse...
im in lust and thats all there is to that...(damn it...why me)
i have to matching monster zits on the apples of my cheeks...great huh...3 days before school and this happens...i hope they will be gone, soon. damn zits
taking lives is a scary movie...enough said...

3 _ common baby light my fire

02:14am 24/08/2004

Chicago is one of the greatest cities in the world! Maybe 5 days is to many to be away from my friends and life...but i still must say it was awesome, and i really wanna persue acting now.

CHICAGOCollapse )


4 _ common baby light my fire

01:28am 16/08/2004
  nothing new to post...just fell like doing so.

Olymipics are so fun to watch...i get way to involved...

Painting is tedious...and messy

i hate being a livejournal dummy...

15 _ common baby light my fire

2 more weeks!   
12:35am 15/08/2004
mood: drained
the first time i ever played poker...needless to say i lost...big time! fortunatly i didnt put any money in the pot. So haha to you all that lost! it was fun, i still dont really know anything, but i had fun. i really liked dealing for the first half hour and then it got boring.

Reggae concerts...interesting.
1. a free spirit
2. good company
3. sandals/ hip clothing
4. dred locks
sadly enough i only had one of the five...good company, it was an experience, and it was funny watching all the high/drunken people dancing. it made me glad that i am straight edge now...it was sad to watch 40+ year old people smoking pot.

6 _ common baby light my fire

afternoon delight   
02:25am 04/08/2004
  dont you hate it when you are so tired but you cant fucking fall asleep.  

common baby light my fire

a week and a day (sigh)   
03:52am 02/08/2004
  Fatal FRAME will get you all!

I have an interview tomorrow, DISNEY STORE! heh heh!

I'm gonna be in a MOVIE! The Island... airs in 2007. WOO... i dont know any real details, but more to come tomorrow when i hang out with hilary and finally get a copy of my god damned music video that i havent seen yet damn it!

Waiting for Guffman rocks the CASBAH...

common baby light my fire

Summer Breeze   
01:30am 25/07/2004
  Tonight was very very fun. I didnt think it was going to be but it was great. Mike Kali and some others all decided to go to the strip and ride razor scooters through the crouds to the Bellagio water show. FUN FUN FUN. We got durty looks, envious comments, and a whole bunch of "WATCH OUT!" s. At the water show because of who Kali and I are we decided it would be fun to dance and sing and be annoying during the songs, so we got more attention than the show. Some older people that are EFY (mormon camp) counslers started to hit on Kali and I and then a bunch of them showed up randomly and we all talked and laughed and caused a big scene.It was great. Kali and I have come to the conclusion we are the center of attention where ever we go because we love it so we create it.

I HATE NEEDY PEOPLE! GOD! "Elizabeth ditch you friends and hang out with me..." even though i told you i am not hanging out with you today i have plans! GRR...

common baby light my fire

The Bee Farm 3.0   
12:05am 11/07/2004
  Today was like any other saturday. Wake up at the un-Godly hour of 8:00 push the snooze button until 8:40 and go to work at 9:00. Then work until 12:00 have lunch talk on the phone nap...what have you. then at 4:30 go back out to work until 6:30 come home make plans and hopefully be out by 7:00.
I went over to Carleys house we went got some pasta and ate it with Mike. Then we all decided to go to the Haunted BEEFARM. yes i know a haunted bee farm? one of the most scariest places in the world. We made a quick trip to wal-mart to pick up the essentials...FLASHLIGHTS. We purchased the flashlights after having a quick dance fest with the singing dolls and dancing Elmo. Then we proceeded to go to THE BEE FARM.
It started out like any other trip to the bee farm drive by check it out, park across the street at the middle school and hike back. We turned on our flashlights and walked on to the property. We checked out the battered old signs and proceeded to cross the mound of dirt clearly telling people not to enter, but we did anyway. Mike said he hear footsteps and I told him it was us so we thought nothing of it. a minute or so later we heard a loud crash like glass breaking and Carley screamed followed by a neighboring scream not made by any of us which turned all of us into screamfest 2001 and we ran off like little girls and heard footstep close behind. Mike dropped the lantern and his wallet. Then we rushed to the get away car and drove home laughing and hearts racing.
When we got to Carleys we realized Mike had left his wallet so we decided we needed to go back tonight in hopes we would find it. I called in to check with my dad and i was called a lier and told to come home.
Joel, Chase, Andrew, and Todd all randomly showed up at my house at like 1:00 and we sat outside for an hour or so goofing around. That was quite the random thing.

common baby light my fire

Hello agian...   
03:25pm 05/07/2004
  So, its been ages since i have last written and chances are no one will read this, but i want to write.
Mike is in Iraq as of yesterday i believe he landed on the shore of Kuwait and will be fighting for our country. God Bless the USA...especially our serivice men.
I have lost a good friend. Something happend and again i am at fault and the horrible person in the situation.
I fear that my best friend hates me, and this time i dont know what i did, and it scares me because i think it is all rumors and the wrath of bitter people spreding shit about me.
i hate las vegas, i wanna get out of here. like my dear friend Koetje this place is slowly driving me insane. i just need to get out of here. move away, start a new where no one has pre-concieved notions about me, somewhere where people dont turn on me, somewhere where i can experience true happiness, somewhere that i only think i am happy and then all of that comes to a rushing hault. somewhere where peoples main concerns are not about getting fucked up, somewhere i can accept myself and who i am. somewhere far from here.

common baby light my fire

holy damn   
01:24am 14/12/2003
  dyed my hair tonight. AHHH! it was supposed to come out platinum, however it decided to turn strawberry. i like it. Jessica did a good job on dyeing it. Oh My GOD it looks so different. it reminds me of the oopsie cartoons. WOW!

got stupid deans detention. damn the school and its godforsaken tardy sweeps. GAY>

being a director is so much harder than it seems. it weird. itll be fun though. well at least to see what the turn out is in the end.

I hate christmas. too much money.

i went to my works christmas party for like a half hour and left. it was boring because it was a ton of older people getting drunk together and exculding little old me. Oh well i got a present. it was a cut little vase thing. i like it.

2 _ common baby light my fire

the fly   
07:43pm 10/12/2003
  started to block La Mouche today. the boys and i had so much fun. Luke and Chaz broke the couch. it was funny, but i felt hella guilty. Jared my TD fixed it, but not very well. it works though. i am so impressed hes working on the show. and not getting high. he bugs me though, but at least hes doing something.

i look dreadful lately. i need to do makeup again, and care abouyt my apperance again. oh well there is no one to impress at our school, however, if i feel like i look like shit, i feel like shit, and barely make it through the day.

common baby light my fire

08:45pm 08/12/2003
  well i havent posted in forever!

not much has happened to since i last posted.

i went to hollister and bought somethoing. i was so mad at myself because im so ANTI_name brand. oh well its a cute hoody, i thought it was actually a good deal.

the other night i think my dad was going to hit me. i gave him attitude but i have been depressed latley. just over a lot of stuff. and he grabed me by my collar and had an evil look in his eye. it was the scareiest thing that has happened to me. my mom was there so he didnt hit me. so that night i was watching finding nemo and he came in, i pretended i was a sleep so i didnt have to talk to him. and he gave me a kiss and said i love you. a that was that he hasnt apologized or anything. i dotn want an apology now, but thats fucked up of him. it just pisses me off that he thinks you can just say i love you and think everything is all better. he pisses me off. and he wonders why i am not nice to him.

cast my play. it going to be a crazy crazy play. itll be fun though. I am excited, jessica is getting way into this theatre thing. its funny seeing her do her thing.

aarons back with his ex. waht is it with me. this is the second boy i have sent back to their ex. i guess they realize that what they had was better than me. oh well, wasnt ment to be. i was boring and not myself around him anyway.

grayce and i are going to dye my hair. she designed it its way cute. its got black blonde some white and burgandy. its cool, im excited.

sometimes i imagine all the ways i could kill myself, or kill other people, and i found someone today who does the same. it was kinda cool to know that im not the only one. however she used to do speed and now she quit, so i dont know. i think its just depression thing.

common baby light my fire

Visitor Q   
09:33pm 25/11/2003
  crazy night....

matt made a new stencil its hott!

worked today braden was being a little brat! oh well hes so cute. she told me about the annual Christmas party and i read the newsletter in the front of the book and it said "please feel free to bring someone, boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, whoever" and i got sad. if only i had someone to bring.

matt and i have decided i play too hard to get. *sigh*

been really bummed the past few days, maybe because of what david said or being blown off or whatever, but this happens to me quitw often. oh well putting on the mask of happiness again. Smile!

1 _ common baby light my fire

New Lay Out!-thanks matt.   
10:38pm 23/11/2003
  another sunday, church, home, team meeting. home write that damn journal for english and then waste the rest of my time online.

today i was on my way to my team meeting and my ghetto ass rearview mirror slid off its track and was hanging from the roof of my car, (because the cab light is in it so it hangs by the wire other wise it would have just fallen)so i slid it back on its track and i pushed it just a little to hard when the whole thing poped off took a chunk of glass out of my winshield and sliced the hell out of my finger. i walked inot maureens house bleeding and so i got a bandaid and bleed through that it was nasty and bled for and hour.

hopefully my dad will have applied the eproxy that my bro and i bought to the mirror and winsheld because, i dont know i need a rearview mirror. one of those things you know. oh 13 year old cars you got to love them

common baby light my fire

Scarey as hell looking   
01:00am 23/11/2003
  jessica talked to someone that said i was scarey as hell looking, i had droopy scarey eyes, and that i was twiggy and sickley. ive been feeling so ugly lately. this helps. some freshman kid i talk to love him...but when i just joke on myself, he agrees. its sad. i hate being depressed about something so dumb as looks. but looks are everything in our society right>? i miss people telling me im beautiful, people other than my family.

last night i learned how to drive stick in the mormon parking lot. it was so much fun! i stalled the car, but matt said he stalled it way more that i did. hes a pretty good teacher.

we went to oppertunity thrift store. some crazy old lady with curlers cut in front of us. hm..

then we went to go get tea agin. matt got ill. maybe because his drink tasted like ass.

we hung out at the forum shops and went to look at barbies and fun stuff. we went on the magic motion ride. it was realistic. i got scared. it could have been longer.

we drove around and we were dancing for the limos on either side of us when suddenly we discovered we were on the crub driving for a good 5+ secs. it was scarey but oh so hilarious afterwords.

tonight jess and i went to ross. i got to trendy girl huddies 12 bucks baby. there cute. i still need a warm jacket. i HATE WINTER.

we went to the forums again tonight because jessica wanted to go. we had fun and got dipndots. got blown off by someone...Ah well..

i have church tomorrow. bleck. i need to cry. but i cant bring myself to do it. oh well ill just feel like shit.

1 _ common baby light my fire